After months, sometimes years, of preparation, the 11+ journey culminates in a single, emotionally charged moment: the arrival of the results. This day can feel like the final destination, but it’s actually just a signpost, providing you with the information you need to navigate the next crucial step in your child’s educational journey.
Regardless of the outcome, your reaction in this moment is the most important factor. Your child will look to you to frame their result, and your response will shape how they view their achievement, their effort, and themselves.
This is a time for empathy, perspective, and careful planning. At elevenplus.com, we believe that every outcome is an opportunity to celebrate your child’s hard work and look forward to the exciting future ahead.
This guide will provide you with a clear framework for managing the results—both the successes and the disappointments—and how to use that information to make the best choices for the next chapter.
In this definitive guide, you will learn:
- The golden rule for reacting to your child’s 11+ result.
- A clear guide for navigating both a “pass” and a “fail.”
- How to reframe disappointment and protect your child’s confidence.
- The crucial next steps involving the Common Application Form (CAF).
The Golden Rule: Your Reaction is Everything
Before you even open the email or letter, make a promise to yourself: you will celebrate the effort, not the score. Your child has spent a huge amount of time and energy on this process. They have shown resilience, dedication, and courage. That is the true achievement, and it must be celebrated, no matter what the number on the page says.
Your primary job is to be their biggest supporter and to protect their self-esteem.
Scenario 1: Navigating a “Pass” or a High Score
This is a moment of joy and relief. Your child’s hard work has paid off, and they deserve to feel proud.
- Celebrate the Achievement: Mark the occasion. Go out for a special meal or treat. Let them know that you are incredibly proud of what they have accomplished.
- Praise the Process: When you talk about the result, focus on the journey that got them there. Say things like, “All that consistent effort you put in really made the difference,” or “I’m so proud of how you persevered, even when you found it tough.” This links their success to their actions, not just an innate ability.
- Keep it in Perspective: While it’s a fantastic achievement, remind them that this is the start of the next chapter, not the end of the story. It’s one step on a long and exciting educational path.
Scenario 2: Navigating a “Fail” or a Disappointing Score
This can be a difficult moment for the whole family. It’s natural for your child (and you) to feel a sense of disappointment. How you handle this is critical for their long-term confidence.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings First: Before you try to fix anything, start with empathy. Say, “I can see you’re really disappointed, and it’s completely okay to feel that way. You worked so hard.” This validates their feelings and shows you are on their side.
- Depersonalise the Result: This is the most important step. You must separate this one test result from your child’s identity and self-worth.
- What to say: “This is a test of whether a particular type of school is the right fit for you. It is not, and never will be, a test of how clever you are or how successful you will be.”
- Reframe the Narrative: A “fail” does not mean your child is not clever enough. It often means that the intense, fast-paced environment of a grammar school might not have been the best place for them to thrive. Frame this as a positive redirection. “Okay, the test has shown us that a different type of school will be a much better fit. Let’s get excited about all the other amazing schools where you will be happy and successful.”
- Celebrate Their Effort: Now, more than ever, is the time to praise their hard work. “The result doesn’t change how proud I am of the incredible effort and resilience you’ve shown for the last year. That is what really matters.”
[Image: A supportive image of a parent comforting their child, focusing on encouragement and positivity.]
The Next Step: The Common Application Form (CAF)
The 11+ result is just one piece of information you will use to complete your secondary school application.
- Be Realistic: Use the result to make informed and realistic choices on your CAF. If your child has not achieved the qualifying score, it is unwise to list only grammar schools.
- Create a Balanced List: Your list of schools should be a sensible mix. Include a “reach” school, a few “realistic” options, and at least one “banker” school that you are almost certain your child will get into and where you know they will be happy.
- Look Beyond the 11+: Now is the time to revisit all the other factors that make a great school. Use our guide on How to Choose a Secondary School to look at pastoral care, extracurricular activities, and the overall ethos of the schools on your list.
A Journey, Not a Destination
The 11+ is a single exam on a single day. It does not define your child, their intelligence, or their future. There are many paths to a happy and successful education, and grammar school is only one of them.
By managing the results with empathy and perspective, you can help your child see this moment for what it is: the end of one chapter and the exciting beginning of the next.
Ready to plan your next steps?
➡️ Read our definitive guide: How to Choose a Secondary School: A Guide for 11+ Parents for more expert advice on making the right choice for your child.
